he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
