I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm bleeding and have questions
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
