I didn't shave. On purpose
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
