so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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