I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
