Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
