I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
