cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize