I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
