I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
