Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
