Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
