She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
