he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
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He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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