So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
