When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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