i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
