I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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