My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
there is glitter all over my balls
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
