I think I am morally bankrupt
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
