I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
