tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
