im having a threesome with these popsicles
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
