My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
