if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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