I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
