that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
