I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
