I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
