You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
