U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
