Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Strip Simon Says: DO IT