and next time when you feel me up, do it right
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?