dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
