if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
