oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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