Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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