conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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