God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
