At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
