I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
