$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
