Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
