I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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