between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
not ubering you a puppy
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
