can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize