i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
