So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
