Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
