mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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