im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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