at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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