i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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