I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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