at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
