Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
