i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
