i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my shit smells like andre
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
then he tried to convert me to islam
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He did a backflip because drugs
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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