when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
