God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
