everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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