I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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