I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
