and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
