About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
